Five Ways to get a Deeper Connection


If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved. We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.

We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.

1. Don't Judge

Ultimately, this is how we all want to be loved: without judgment, pity, or complaints. If you can commit to this kind of love both in your existing relationships and in new ones you might be tempted to avoid.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow your instincts when you feel like unsafe around someone. It just means you look below the surface, give people a chance, and in doing so create the potential for more meaningful, mutually supportive relationships.

Make the conscious choice to be understanding and compassionate. While getting isn’t the intention of giving, this will likely set the stage for you to receive the same consideration in return.

2. Be Present

This is something that has taken me a while to learn... When you’re with someone, actually be with them. Be present. Don’t be texting on your phone or paying attention to something going on around you. If you are stuck in the past you can't enjoy what is really around. Who is with you. Focus on who you’re with and what they’re saying. They’ll notice you’re paying attention and reciprocate, which makes the relationship better for both of you.

3. Learn to engage on a deeper level

Interacting with people has a number of components to it that is more than just small talking. It is a connection on an emotional level with the person. When we want to connect emotionally or in an in-depth manner, we need to learn how to do this. When we learn to just sit and give someone our full attention and really listen to them from our heart rather than hearing them just with our mind, the effects are miraculous. An exercise you can use to get into a deeper connection with someone you love would be to start by telling them you want to get to know them on a deeper level, by telling them how much you care for them and love them.

4. Respect differences

People's view of the world and how to live it may not be the same as yours due to their life's experience, their temperament, their personality, their environment, how they experienced love and support, how open their life was, how much security they felt in their life, and their accessibility to education and knowledge, their capabilities, and their mental state. Once you start to open the door to understanding that, you automatically feel more compassion and acceptance. When you accept, you don't judge, when you stop judging, people start responding to you and connecting to you.

5. Love Unconditionally

Don’t love someone just because they’re doing things for you, making lots of money, taking you on nice holidays. Don’t use love as a reward, and don’t take it away as punishment. Love your family and friends the same when they’re having a good day as when they’re having a bad day. If you love unconditionally, you’ll get that love in return and realize how much you really need it.